Death is a debt, we all must pay

Oh DaVoH I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It never does make any sense why one person dies and another survives. All the wise words in the world don't make it any easier either. Life seems to end where and when it chooses and the temporary survivors are left to cope with the big hole left in their world.

((((((((((((((DaVoH))))))))))))))))

Death is the ultimate result of life. There is not likely a grand scheme or plan for when people die. Similarly, there is not likely a plan for your life apart from your own plans for life. Whatever awaits us in death is a mystery now. Our attempts to explain it are wrought in our attempts to understand it. Death does not stalk us, it does not lie in wait, it doesn't have a schedule or a plan. Right and wrong has no bearing on it. Conditions, decisions, and actions are factors in both life and death. Our suffering is selfish because we "lost" another and we have many regrets. The dead probably don't care as they have moved beyond us and know we will arrive eventually. They may not be in a better place, but, as so many people speculate, they may be.

You don't mourn the dead, you mourn your own loss. Understand the cycle of life includes death, including your own. Your acceptance of the nature and cycle of life does not have to impinge on religious beliefs, and your beliefs have no bearing on what really happens. As callous as it may seem, you need to celebrate your life, strive to understand it, and accept impending death simply as a condition of life. Maybe you can see it as the goal of life, and in that you can find some comfort knowing that your family and friends successfully completed their lives, despite how ugly the finale may have been.

DaVoH-- I lost all of my family, but my mother, before I was 30 years old. 11 people that I loved very much. Most of them died of old age, or its ailments, but my father died at 54-- the same age I am now.

I'm so very sorry for your many losses, and so sorry for your grief.

You have had some real tragedies in your life. Losing younger people is harder than losing those that are elderly and suffering, in many ways. I guess we feel as if their lives were cut off-- they never got to do the things they needed to do, they never quite finished growing-- because I think you 'grow' as you live, and figure things out. You can't really know what it is like to be old, until you're old, I guess.

I had a major heart attack and quintuple by-pass surgery at 46-- my little boy was 3 years old. I know that even though everything is just ducky today, tomorrow may not be so hot. And, at any moment, it can be all over with. So, please try to understand where I am coming from--

Death is a part of life. It isn't an ending, it is a beginning. Love never dies-- you still love the people that are gone, and they still love you. Death just means that you can't reach out and touch their flesh, but their souls are still right there with you. They are with you in your heart. I don't want to die, but I know that when God decides that it is time for me to die, then I will. I will still love my family on this earth, and they will still love me. I will wait for them to come to me, when it is time.

I really care about you, my friend. Call me if you need me-- just shoot me an email, and I"ll send you my phone #. I am here if you just want to talk, OK?

I feel like it is beyond my capabilities to handle. Death has become part of my life, and it is unavoidable.

There's really no way to sugarcoat it. It SUCKS.

One of my most treasured mentors from church, blown away by shotgun fire during an armed robbery.... The girl I always adored and looked up to, a true role model, self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head..... My very first ever childhood friend, overdosed just last year...... Father, gone..... My good grandma, gone....... (The rich one is still alive, but she doesn't love me....) There are several other stray incidents, car wrecks of friends, natural causes, etc.....

When they die, they are gone. You never recapture that singularity of oneness that you felt with them. There's no easy way to give advice, because we all have different angles of sorrow, different levels of grief, different stories to share. I just keep going, because I've got something keeping me going, and I'm able to.

Am sorry you are feeling the pain during the holidays... Hope you find ways to brighten your Christmas and New Year's so you can look forward to 2010. :)

Hey buddy-

I don't know much, but I do know that death sucks.

It is the great leveler... It takes the very young, the very old, and everyone in between.

I don't think there is a "time to go", but I do beleive that the series of events leading up to a sudden death, while possibly avoidable, are obviously not changeable once the damage is done.

Sounds like you had a series of misfortune with this, and the worst thing about a sudden demise is that you don't get to say goodbye.

If someone withers away from disease, there is usually time to tell them that you love them, and that they will be missed... but car accidents, undiagnosed heart problems, annurisms... that's scary stuff.

The important thing to remember is that it is only by the memories of those left alive that the dead live on... Your brother, your cousin, your dad... they are all still with you in that way.

As for the apparent survivors guilt you may be enduring over your exit from a situation that killed those close to you... Try your best to let it go freind.

Don't let your feelings of "why not me" stand in the way of a good, long life and happy memories of those you lost.

You are here, you are alive, you are you... and after reading this... I'm not so sure that you're quite as "bad" as you make yourself out to be. :)

Take care buddy... Try not to sweat the past, remember it, but don't sweat it.

Live for those who live for you and die with no regrets.

Merry Christmas.

I know a guy...who like many regular guys, didn't go to doctors. Ate and drank to excess. Never exercised or took care of himself, in anyway. After the heart attack, at 53, he was rehabbing, when the nurse told him that he needed to be seen by his cardiologist. Either because of the heart attack or just a congenital defect, he developed a condition called non-sustained ventricular tachycardia. If it becomes sustained, it's always lethal.

I know another guy, fit as a fiddle. Long and lean and could still play 20 year old tennis at the age of 60. Lovely wife and family. While playing tennis he suffered sustained ventricular tachycardia. He was taken to the hospital and through a new procedure, only performed twice before at this hospital, he survived the lethal cardiac event.

In the hospital room the both talked about defibrillators, family, and how truly miraculous it was that they met under those conditions. How easily it could have been quite different, for both their families.

Don't look for the answers, they aren't there. Look for the moments that are there.

Davoh

Just last week I wrote and seeded an article on the vine titled: "Does the future excite you or scare you" which dealt with the very issue here in your article. the following was the introduction of my article which I copy here.

"To me, life is a straight line or a curved one where every day is a point and every year, a segment. Every day that goes by takes us closer to the end. It is a short or long journey that always ends sadly no matter how joyful its course was. To some of us, life is a treat while to some others, it's a trick. But regardless of what it is, the idea of parting from it brings sorrowful emotions whether you are young or old; fulfilled or unfulfilled."

We do not take the concept of death seriously enough to think of it as an incidence in the future that can be any point on the line of life. We always think death will come when we grow old when it escorts us everywhere we go and tends to cancel anything we are undertaking. However, if we take time to meditate on death, that would make us fragile, less adventurous, softer, coward, and unhappy along the course of life. So it's best that we let be what must be and live life on a daily basis and make each count in our lives and let tomrrow to destiny. I sympatize with you in your ordeal, keep strong and prudent, life goes on after all.

DaVoh i am sorry you lost your Dad so young, 52 the same age as myself. It is always hard to lose someone you care about. but remember they are always with you in your heart.

I think you need some on these. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Davoh))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

this is for you.

I'm sorry for your losses.

I lost my German parents in the end days of WWII. My American parents adopted 5 different children from post WWII and lived into their 80's when they passed over.

I'm the "last man standing" from my peers; but am blessed to be surrounded by young, intelligent, and vigorous people as I now live in an Historic University Neighborhood.

An old friend -- who passed shortly after this conversation -- said to me the young die young as they have few wrongs to right. He reached out smiling at me and added: you my friend will live forever.

That's not to make light of anyone's death but it comes as close to any I've heard that makes some sort of sense of the seemingly unknowable. And at least in my case seems to be holding true.

Again, to each of you: I'm sorry for your loss as it is particularly difficult during traditional holiday seasons.

Bless.

From our first gasp of air when we are born we are headed to death, some live longer then others and yet still live in our hearts and minds! I have lost count of those who have passed that Ive had the joy of being apart of their life even if it were just for a brief moment but yet find myself living a fuller and better life for the mark they left behind. I truly believe that the roads we choose to travel are not by mistake and the people we come in contact is not by chance. We have only one chance to leave that mark on other peoples life for them to benefit from, so live smart and benefit the others around you while you still have the chance....

DaVoH,

What an incredible story my friend. Wow...........

The last person close to me I lost was the mandolin player in my band, James Julian from Seattle. Our three piece acoustic band, THE IGUANAS, played regularly at ISLAND BLUES in Coral Bay, St. John, where I was living on my sailboat. Around the frist of December in 2006, I sw James at Woody's in Cruz Bay one afternoon and he was completely yellow. I called the other guitar player Mike to check on him, James was transported by boat ambulance to St. Thomas, where he slipped into a coma and dies on the afternoon of December 16, 2006. James was Cremated and we scattered his ashes at sea.

I've lost brothers, a sister, grandparents and great friends and it's never easy.

It's always hard to find things to say at a time like this, so I believe I'll simply leave you with a sincere thanks for the invite to the thread and the words of a song by the country superstar Tim McGraw, whose father was baseball great Tug McGraw:

LIVE LIKE YOU WERE DYING - Tim McGraw

He said: "I was in my early forties,
"With a lot of life before me,
"An' a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
"I spent most of the next days,
"Looking at the x-rays,
"An' talking 'bout the options an' talkin’ ‘bout sweet time."
I asked him when it sank in,
That this might really be the real end?
How’s it hit you when you get that kind of news?
Man whatcha do?

"To live like you were dyin'."
"To live like you were dyin'."
"To live like you were dyin'."
"To live like you were dyin'."

You're a very special friend to me DaVoH and I don't have many of those.

Be blessed this holiday season.................